When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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