I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Come see our sink grown plant.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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