my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize