I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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