even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
