i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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