how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
