Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
