My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
