im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
