i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
