You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
