I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize