found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
