I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
