I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
