I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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