After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just blew my weed a kiss
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
