im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
