My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
