I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
