I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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