Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
