Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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