Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
