Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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