She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
