Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
