You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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