so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
