so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
