Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
