i think i have herpe
just one?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
