I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
nutella sex= disaster
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We need a shit load of segways right now
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
