Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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