You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
