Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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