I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
