but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
