so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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