No awkward lesbian experiences without me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
