btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
