I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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