If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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