So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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