I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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