i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
