well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
