toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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