Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
