Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
