if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
