I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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