So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
