My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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