No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
