Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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