You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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