Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also, beer. Big fan.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
