I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dick very happy bro
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
