i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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