i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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