I must be too annoying 4 u.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
This house was built for laser tag.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
