Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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