I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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