I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize