then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize