I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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